When I think back to my mindset as a teenager, I can specifically remember feeling youthful, motivated, excited for life's promises and expectations. I was raised to believe that I could make anything happen in my life. If I applied myself to something or set a goal, there wasn't any reason why I couldn't attain it. I have worked hard to keep that mentality all my life and I strongly pass it on to my boys daily, in hopes that they too will believe in themselves.
I can remember being in my late teens/early twenties seeing "older" women or men at the stores, restaurants, driving their 4 door sedans with 2 + car seats crammed in the back thinking............god they are OLD. Pushing their kids in strollers at the park or yelling at a restaurant and realizing that I can't even imagine that life or most of all not connected to that type of life. Now as I embark into my "late 30s" I realize that holy shit that's ME!!!
Eccckkkkk, where did my cool sense of style go?, my flirty side after 2 glasses of wine has disappeared and my ample sources of energy have dried up. Yikeess!! I have become the boring, grocery shopping, sweatsuit wearing, screaming kids in toe, haggard mother who has to apologize profusely when leaving any food establishment for the mess that we've left behind.
Once I was able to catch my breath I realized that besides the obvious differences in my appearance (30+ lbs since high school, tiny gray hairs creepin' in and my memory isn't as sharp as it was 20 years ago) I don't feel that different on the inside. I still feel lively and youthful, almost like I live a tiny bit younger in my mind :) On the outside I have a motherly look, duties and responsibilities. But on the inside, I am still motivated, high energy and youthful and damn I kinda think I'm 'cool'.
So as I muster through this new journey into mid life, I am so thankful that I haven't given up on myself and that I still believe I deserve to reach my goals and that I can do anything in life. I need to be a little easier on myself. So what if the cute 25 year old doesn't give me a second look or that I might not have an MBA at the end of my business card......I still believe in myself and work hard to be the best wife, mother and friend that I possible can.
So what if my socks don't match or my son spilled his apple juice on the floor at Target..
I still got me.
You got it, sista! A good college friend of mine turned 35 just a few days before you, and as I wished her a happy birthday on Facebook I realized I am right behind her. And I had a mini panic attack! I'm turning 35 this year. And what do I have to show for it? I was like Sally in 'When Harry Met Sally' crying about how she's going to be 40. Someday. LOL
ReplyDeleteLate-30s, here we come!
I remember a conversation that I had with my mom when she was in her 60's (so we're talking the 80's).....the gist of it was that when she looked in the mirror, she was always surprised to see the woman who was obviously getting much closer to looking exactly like her mother....because she felt so much younger than that. She went on to say that she thought that women have a certain "age" in their minds/thoughts that was, for them (and it is SO INDIVIDUAL) their "mental" age - e.g., the age they felt INSIDE. I not only know what she meant, but I feel she was 'right on". While you intellectually know how old you really are, I also know that it has absolutely NOTHING to do with how old you feel in your heart. I wouldn't, I think, want to go back to my teens, 20's or 30's.....for me that time was fraught with too DRAMA - too many ups and downs - the highs and lows, while certainly MEMORABLE, have been replaced with a more peaceful surety about my place in the world - and I'm much more comfortable with who I am, what I contribut(ed) to the world and how "I fit". I'm more comfortable in my own skin and satisfied with the life I've led. In 'my mind' I'm somewhere in my early 40's....and I gotta say, if you continue to stay physically and mentally fit, your body thinks it is in its 40's too. Of course there are times I still think I can physically do what I did in my teen-age years, and I pay for it BIG TIME ..... (an hour of dancing to 50's and 60's rock-and-roll will do me in faster than I thought was even possible), but I think all in all.....my mom was right and we all stay "a certain age" despite what the calendar may tell us. Gotta say though Brittany.....hard for me to imagine you with any gray hair (but then I'm a blonde - and who would have THUNK IT!?)
ReplyDelete