I have coveted these flats for 10 months or more! Finally, I bit the bullet and purchased my glorious, golden dream shoes. Ohhhh, I can't wait for the Fed Ex man to arrive!!!!

The Big 3-5.

When I think back to my mindset as a teenager, I can specifically remember feeling youthful, motivated, excited for life's promises and expectations. I was raised to believe that I could make anything happen in my life. If I applied myself to something or set a goal, there wasn't any reason why I couldn't attain it. I have worked hard to keep that mentality all my life and I strongly pass it on to my boys daily, in hopes that they too will believe in themselves.

I can remember being in my late teens/early twenties seeing "older" women or men at the stores, restaurants, driving their 4 door sedans with 2 + car seats crammed in the back thinking............god they are OLD. Pushing their kids in strollers at the park or yelling at a restaurant and realizing that I can't even imagine that life or most of all not connected to that type of life. Now as I embark into my "late 30s" I realize that holy shit that's ME!!!

Eccckkkkk, where did my cool sense of style go?, my flirty side after 2 glasses of wine has disappeared and my ample sources of energy have dried up. Yikeess!! I have become the boring, grocery shopping, sweatsuit wearing, screaming kids in toe, haggard mother who has to apologize profusely when leaving any food establishment for the mess that we've left behind.

Once I was able to catch my breath I realized that besides the obvious differences in my appearance (30+ lbs since high school, tiny gray hairs creepin' in and my memory isn't as sharp as it was 20 years ago) I don't feel that different on the inside. I still feel lively and youthful, almost like I live a tiny bit younger in my mind :) On the outside I have a motherly look, duties and responsibilities. But on the inside, I am still motivated, high energy and youthful and damn I kinda think I'm 'cool'.

So as I muster through this new journey into mid life, I am so thankful that I haven't given up on myself and that I still believe I deserve to reach my goals and that I can do anything in life. I need to be a little easier on myself. So what if the cute 25 year old doesn't give me a second look or that I might not have an MBA at the end of my business card......I still believe in myself and work hard to be the best wife, mother and friend that I possible can.

So what if my socks don't match or my son spilled his apple juice on the floor at Target..

I still got me.

Seize Life's Moments

I heard some wonderful news this week that I felt I must highlight on my blog. I have to admit when I first heard this news, I was as little flabbergasted and wondering if possibly Becky had lost her bedazzled marbles. But the more details I heard and when I saw her giant grin, I began to see the specialness of this love and how wonderful wild heart abandon can be.

Becky is a friend of mine who I went to high school with and we had reconnected on Facebook last year. She currently lives in LA and in my eyes has a super cool LA glam life! She is a very funny, gorgeous, light hearted person and I have enjoyed getting to know her better over these past months. About a week ago she posted a cute picture of her and a guy on Facebook with a caption of 'me and my future husband'. A bunch of us raised our eyebrows but I didn't see anything more about him.......until 7 days later she posted that she was ENGAGED! Within 10 days they had met in person after 21 years, fell in love, met each others' parents and got engaged. She is moving back to the Bay Area in 6 weeks, the wedding is planned for June and she bought her dream dress today!!

If I had heard this story from anyone else I would think they were crazy. But with Becky it just fits her glowing life. I envy her take hold of life attitude. It takes a strong woman to trust in her heart to take a leap of love no matter how long you've known someone. These moments of love and excitement are what life is made of. It is so exciting to see Becky so happy and full of life, ready for her new life with Steve. Honestly, this couldn't have happened to a cuter couple!!

I wish her and her soon to be hubby all the joy in the world and can't wait to keep hearing of her new life adventures.

Couple Dating

My husband and I always joke about an old 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' episode where Larry & Cheryl go on a couple date with Ted Danson and his wife. After a date of dinner and bowling, they joke together on the car ride home about what a fun time they had with them, and wondering if Ted & his wife liked them. Did they think they were nice, cool, fun???

Sometimes finding new friends or meeting new people is like dating. You want to impress, find things in common and hope that if there is a link that you can continue to enjoy each others time and families. At times it feels like I should be making out a Yahoo! personals ad for new couples that I meet. Of course if I did, It would seem so cheesy to stage it after that song Escape by Rupert Holmes.

If you like the park and beach play dates

and getting caught in the SF Zoo traffic

If your not into boring stuffy dinners at Olive Garden

and you have 2 + kids

If you like camping and star gazing at midnight

in the woods of Santa Cruz

your the couple/family we've waited for

Let's met at Chuck E Cheese

It is always good to try to meet new families, expand your current relationships. So if you are up for exploring Northern California with two semi cool peeps and 2 very cool little boys let us know! Plus, I make excellent Kraft mac n cheese ;).

Parky McSmallprick

Sometimes the people in this world surprise me. Sometimes for the good, others not so good. I had the unfortunate experience this week of receiving the following email from a fellow coworker. Mind you this was sent to work email, all of my company's security team and to all the engineers in the company(subscribers of devel-random). This would total around 2,000 people that I work with on a professional level.

Thanks Brittany Erskine for jamming your huge SUV into 2 compact parking spots, so that I could barely use the adjacent spot and couldn't’t even exit through a door. If you get a chance, please relocate your vehicle at your convenience to a more fitting spot meant for SUV’s (or at least park between the lines next time)http://www.flickr.com/photos/thebackpackzacattack/4380043548/in/set-72157614353886046/

Best regards

Local ycantparker

Picture included

This fine young gentleman whom I now love to make up loving pet names for such as Limpdicks Alot, Douchie Mcdouchebag and Mr. Thinksweallcare (I attached a picture for your viewing pleasure), thought that it was okay to treat coworkers like they met them in a Walmart parking lot. After he leered into my car and stole my name from a piece of paper I had on my console, he posted a picture of my car, license plate on a public site and thought that this would be the right way of slapping my hand and that he single handedly would change my selfish behaviour. While he and 20 or so engineers responded to his email with their own demented views on this horrible outcry of poor parking that I am an asshole, own a gas gussling grocery getting SUV, and to top it all of that by me parking 6 inches over the white line in my parking space that I am actually 'stealing' from our company. They all seem to spend multiple work hours of time a week on company property complaining about fellow employees and their parking skills.

I did move my car, informed security as well as HR. After a day of "investigation" my company decided that his email was freedom of speech and that they weren't going to do anything about harassment. So I decided to take matters into my own hands. Myself and a few of my able bodied guy friends at work confronted him and asked him to send out a formal apology to all of whom he involved in my email slander. He did so with a round about email without ever actually saying the words "I apologize". But honestly, the damage was done. I had multiple people around campus ask me about this situation, they knew my name from reading this email and needless to say it was horribly embarrassing.

I guess importantly I'm not going to hold any ill feelings over it, but it is also a gentle reminder to all, don't take life to seriously and life is too short to waste time on hating others.......just park a few spots farther away. We could all use the exercise. (dumb ass, ok I had to have one last jab)

Gadget Whore

I never used the be the first one to buy the latest technology. I had a boom box until I was 15, I bought my first CD player at 19 and only started downloading music from iTunes 6 months ago. So needless to say, I'm no gadget whore. But.....I think I might be evolving.

For Christmas this year, I received an Amazon Kindle from my tech nerdy (in the sexy way) husband. I was very intrigued and curious about an electronic reader but wasn't sure if it would have the same appeal as the old paper tried and true. I have always been a pleasure reader and would average a book or so a month. Usually reading chick fiction or the occasional classic from my childhood.

Since I got my little paws on my Kindle it has been a flurry of downloading, sampling and tracking %s. I believe I am in LOVE. Since I've been "kindling" (its a verb, you know) 12/20/09 I have read the following books:

The Christmas List by Richard Paul Evans
Are you There, Vodka? It's me Chelsea. by Chelsea Handler
My Horizontal Life by Chelsea Handler
Lies I Told my Children by Karen McQuestion
The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
Marrying George Clooney: Confessions of a Midlife Crisis by Amy Ferris
The Help by Kathryn Stockett (only 34% completed)

I know to some this might seem like mice nuts. Such as my literate savant of a sister in law, Gyneth. She is the fastest reader I have ever met in my life! It is honestly shocking to see her flip the pages or in this case click her way through a 300 page book in 2 nights. Why her parents didn't push her to be a publishing agent I'll never know. But this list above is loooonnnngg to me! I read more in 50 days then I did all of 2009!

I find this new "talent" of mine extremely exciting and I'm going to keep rolling with it. I can only give credit where credit is due......Amazon. A big Thank you to Amazon for making me this new gorgeous, intelligent, matte white, gadget. It has inspired me to give books a chance and since there are no "covers", I have nothing to judge. Though you still won't find me reading the latest socioeconomic crisis buzz book, I might just expand my shelves to include some historical novels......gasp!!!

Celebrity Free Pass

Quite a few years ago, my husband I were watching an episode of Friends in which Ross and Rachel have a game regarding who their "free pass" celebrity crush would be. If you've never heard of this game I will explain. Basically each person chooses one (and I mean only one) celebrity that if they ever met and had a chance to sleep with that the other partner would be "cool" with it. Well we all know it is 100% unlikely that you will ever have this chance, but its fun to dream and joke about. ;)

I wanted to share mine in hopes that you'd share yours.

Josh Duhamel

I know..........dream on.

Ambien---friend or foe??

It is around 2am and I have been lying in bed for the past 3 hours staring at my bedside table. Nothing is more stressful or frustrating to me than laying in bed waiting for sleep to take over. I silently pray that the sandman will come and guide me to slumberland as fast as he possibly can because goddammit I have a freaking presentation in the morning!!! After I begin to realize that this just isn't working for me, I decide that I need a change of scenery. I quietly crawl out of bed as not to wake my perfectly peaceful prince of a husband who I envy more than Michelle Obama at this juncture. I don't think in the 16 years we've been together that he has had more than a handful of sleepless night. Though I do wish he could relate to my frustrations from lack of sleep, I love him too much to wish this on the love of my life.

I tiptoe downstairs to get a glass of water and grab my Kindle. I decide to finish a book that my girlfriend, Anna has recommended to me (Marrying George Clooney: Confessions of a Midlife Crisis). Seemed oddly appropriate for my current mindset, so I began reading quietly on the couch. As I got a few more pages into it I realize that it is highly ironic that here I am up at an ungodly hour with insomnia reading about a woman who was suffering from menopause and major insomnia. I oddly connect with the writer and think to myself, okay I am not the only person up at 2:47 am fighting with sleep.

As I read, sip, read, sip I realize that I am missing my Ambien. Recently people might relate Ambien to the oversexed Tiger Woods or a pill that people take and end up sleeping with strangers or making a PB&J at midnight only to wake up the next morning and not know what the hell happened?? I of course do not have any dramatic exciting stories about the tiny white tablet only that it was my nighttime friend. My sure thing, go-to, Plan B, always there for a good sleep, pal. Recently, after talking with my husband I decided to not refill my prescription to see how it goes.

I have never been a good sleeper. Even as a kid I never liked to be the last one awake. I always wanted to be talked to sleep by my parents, friends at slumber parties and of course, my poor husband. Nighttime to me is a very lonely time. It's dark, quiet and everyone and thing is turned off to reset for the next day. The time during the night seems to go by in a snap, but if you are awake, alone, it can seem longer than the day. I didn't try Ambien until a few years ago when I was in a very stressful career and my nighttime stress would keep me up. I mean UP!! I would wake up in sweats, heart racing, panic about the next day's work schedule/presentations etc. I needed something to help me get to sleep and keep me asleep. Taking an Ambien made everything quiet and sound.....sleep hits within 15 minutes. Glorious. Most nights sleep would be fine and I wouldn't need my Plan B miracle but when I did need it it was a lifesaver. Good sleep = good mood, alert at work, aware and happy for my family.....happy mama.

I don't like having to rely on something on those tough nights but it does make it more peaceful for me to know I CAN get sleep if I need it. Now, as I power through this decision to tackle my sleep issues the "healthy" way I struggle to decide if saying goodbye to my little white pill was the right decision. I'm now on Night 7 and I am going to keep fighting the war on insomnia. I'll keep you posted on my love/hate relationship with sleep and know you always have a friend up at 2:45am if you need her.

Aunt Shelley's Tea

Everyone has certain reminders in life that bring them back to the feeling of love, comfort, home and hearth. Maybe it is a melody of an old 70's soft rock tune, or a TV program from the 80's like Silver Spoons or Punky Brewster. For me it was when I was sick. As a child, I was quite healthy. I don't remember getting more than 1 cold a year and maybe a headache or two. I was even disappointed as a kid because I LOVED St. Joseph's baby aspirin and used to fake a headache to pop one of those suckers! Tasted just like a smartie candy!

On the rare occasion that I was feeling ill my mother would make me a special tea that she swore would make me better. It was actually her best friend Shelley's family recipe in which it was a lovely mixture of loose tea, cinnamon, clove and citrus. Just the smell of her brewing the hot tea was enough to make me feel cozy, warm........instantly loved.

And now as a mom myself (still feels weird to say that), it seems that my boys are sick constantly! I don't think we've gone 6 weeks in the past 2 years without someone in our house having a cold or bug. Last week, I wasn't feeling well and was reminded by Aunt Shelley of that old tea recipe. She immediately sent me the recipe and last night I went through the ritual of making a pot. It was like stepping into a time warp. For a moment, I could squint my eyes and picture myself in my old house, on the couch watching my mom making it at the stove top. Once it was ready to drink, I sat and sipped a cup alone on my couch and it made me feel instantly.....loved and home.

So as the flu and cold season endures, I will wipe many snotty noses, clean-up barfing spills and give lots of snuggles and hugs. As of this week, I have begun this new tradition with my boys in hopes that it will help them feel better and give them the same warm feeling and love that it gives me.

I thought I would share the recipe with all of you in hopes that it will warm your family and become a part of your traditions.
___________________

Aunt Shelley's Hot Tea

1 small can of frozen lemonade (6 oz) + its accompanying equivalent of water
1 large can of frozen orange juice (12 oz) + its accompany equivalent of water
3/4 cup of sugar
2 1/2 tsp of whole cloves
3 cinnamon sticks - crushed
3 tsp of loose tea

Directions:
In large sauce pan, add both cans of frozen juice and their accompanying equivalents (from side of cans). Stir until well blended. Add sugar until well blended. Heat mixture on medium heat until well blended and fully melted. Be sure not to put burner on too hot or it might stick to the bottom of the pan or burn.

In small sauce pan, add 2 cups of water and bring to a boil. As soon as it begins to boil add cloves and cinnamon. Reduce heat to a low simmer for 6 minutes. Once finished simmering, bring back to a boil and add loose tea.

Remove from heat and let steep for 3 - 4 minutes (steep a few extra minutes if you want stronger tea taste).

Strain the tea mixture with fine mesh strainer into the larger juice mixture. Be sure to not get bits of cinnamon/clove or tea leaves into the mixture. Once strained mix tea/juice to complete combine.

Then bring pot to a final simmer. I usually let it simmer for 10 minutes to let the flavor take in. Remember to turn stove off!

This tea can be stored in the refrigerator for several days and be sure to only reheat what you would like either on the stove or in microwave. With every reheat it will thicken. The older the better it tastes (kinda like lasagna).
_________________________

I hope you enjoy the tea and take the time to make it. I'm off to relax for the night and enjoy a nice cup of tea. Thanks, Aunt Shelley. :)

Does this mean I'm an "Official Blogger"???

A few years back a friend of mine was a dating a new girl and I asked him what he liked about her. His reply was "she has a cool food blog". I nodded and smiled saying "cool, wow", inside I was spinning and questioning what the hell is a BLOG??? After a few embarrassing questions and admitting that I was behind in the times, he explained to me this new way of communicating with an online journal to friends, colleagues and people with similar interests. It intrigued me but I never thought I would embark on such a journey.

A blog is such a door to your personal life, even your deep thoughts or dreams. I don't think I have a super exciting perspective on life or that people would want to necessarily hear what I had to say but I did like the creative outlet it would give me. Reflection that would be more for me than my readers.

And so as I begin this journey of blogging and self reflection I plan on tackling a wide range of topics that influence my life. I have many interests and facets which include my family, work, music, pop culture, life struggles and health. I promise to be honest and open if you forgive me for my poor gramer (kidding) and blunt style.

Oh, and meaning behind No Dress Rehearsals is a mirror to how I live my life. Experiencing every moment, leaving space and time to enjoy life and always trying to do the right thing. As my hero Martin Luther King, Jr. once said "It is always the right moment to do the right thing". So that's what I will do.